


Blood Cells Pixelate And Eyes Dilate

by emeraldcitydowntowngirl



Category: Bandom, Fall Out Boy, My Chemical Romance
Genre: Depression, M/M, Pete doesn't do anything but he mentions suicide a lot, Suicide mention, Summer of Like, Tour Bus
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-26
Updated: 2015-10-26
Packaged: 2018-04-28 05:58:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5080381
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emeraldcitydowntowngirl/pseuds/emeraldcitydowntowngirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He's supposed to be Pete Wentz, the confident and cocky rockstar who says crass things about Mikey's ass. Not... this sorry excuse of a person.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Blood Cells Pixelate And Eyes Dilate

**Author's Note:**

> just something i wrote at 3 in the morning- sorry if this is bad. tried to make things as realistic as possible but idk

He doesn't know why he thought being in his bunk would feel better than being with his friends at the venue, because here, his thoughts are even louder and are screaming at him. But he's here anyways, breathing heavily in the same hot air, tears streaming as he sobs into the wet pillow.

He thought that they (the voices in his head) would go away because he was half famous and so many people adored him, and told them that he saved their life. And Pete smiles at them and tells them that they saved their own life. But he doesn't let them know that he didn't believe them because if he couldn't even save his own fucking life, how could he save theirs?

He thinks about his funeral, no one showing up because everyone secretly hated him, happy that he was finally dead, finally a burden was off their shoulders. He dry heaves and clutches his hair, pushing harshly. If he pulls enough, maybe he'll pull off his scalp and he'll die.

He hears the tour bus door open, so he quiets down, biting down on his lip hard. When the skin breaks and his mouth suddenly tastes coopery, he feels better- he wants to punish himself because he deserves this.

"Pete?" Mikey Way's monotone voice calls out, as Pete's eyes widen. Let him go away, let him go away, let him go away. He doesn't want Mikey to see him like this, know this side of him. He's supposed to be Pete Wentz, the confident and cocky rockstar who says crass things about Mikey's ass. Not... this sorry excuse of a person.

He wonders what Mikey would do if he were dead. Would Mikey fall to his knees and sob and beg God or whoever the hell was up there for him back? Would he say it was about time and forget him? Would he secretly be happy about it?

"I know you're here, asshole. Patrick said you came back to bus" Mikey sing songs, his footsteps coming closer to Pete's bunk. Which each step, Pete's heart thumps harder.

"'Mm sick. Don't want you to catch it" Pete croaks, and he's not necessarily lying - he's sick. He doesn't want to taint Mikey with his illness

Mikey huffs out a breath through his nose (a laugh, in Mikey's mind) "Right, like that's ever stopped you before"

Pete feels bile rising to his throat and he turns on his side when Mikey yanks the curtain to the bunk open.

"Pete?" Mikey runs his hand over Pete's side and he shudders, shrugging away from the touch. Mikey's hands are always so cold, and the touch makes Pete feel electric, too real.

"Go away, Mikes. I'm tired" He winces at his voice- he sounds so weak. All the more reason for Mikey to question him.

He isn't really dating Mikey, but he's had a few drunken make out sessions with him, and he's always flirting with him to get him to blush, so he can tease him. But he's already half in love with him, because Pete falls for people so easily, loves Mikey's little stories, the way that he plays Pete's bass on stage sometimes because it "sounds better", the way that he says the stupidest, most wonderful things in the world. He loves Mikey's face when he orgasms, and the way his glasses always falls down his nose, his smile that doesn't usually see the light of day. He's too good for someone like Pete.

"Can I come in?" "No"

Mikey sighs, and rests his hands on Pete's mattress "No funny business. I just want to talk"

The elder bites his lip (where it still bleeds and he clenches his fists, as tears spring to his eyes. He's letting Mikey down, he's such a failure "I don't know" He sobs in the pillow "I don't know, I don't know"

Mikey immediately climbs into the bunk, and they're pressed against each other uncomfortably, but Mikey drapes an arm over Pete's side to hold his hand.

"Baby" Mikey pauses, and clears his throat "Pete, you can talk to me"

He sniffles, and grips Mikey's hand, still faced away from him. "I can't"

"Can I?" Pete doesn't know what Mikey means, but he shrugs weakly.

"Can I tell you a story?" Pete nods. He loves stories, loves hearing about people's lives. It distracts himself from his shitty life.

"It's kinda stupid" Mikey admits, his voice soft. "Okay, so you like Peter Pan?" Pete nods "God it's so stupid" Mikey laughs to himself before resuming

"So when I was little, I was obsessed with Peter Pan" He's speaking softly, and his fingers are playing with Pete's. "And I always wanted to be Tinkerbell. I don't know why" He shrugs "So one day, I'm like... at my cousin's house. And I'm in this huge Tinkerbell phase. So, I decide I can fly. And I climb onto the kitchen counter. And I jump off"

Pete's breathing hitches. He wants to jump so bad. He wants to fly off the goddamn Empire State Building and fall and become a spectacle. He wants his brains to be splattered across the cement, wants people to make a big deal out it. He wants to go down in history.

"But, Gerard saw me, and caught me before I could bust my chin open" Mikey whispers. "And sometimes I think that it'd be better if Gerard didn't catch me, and it'd be better if I just busted my chin and... I dunno. I forgot where I was going with this" He scratches his face, before going back to Pete

"But then I remember that, no, it wouldn't be good if that happened, because I have so much to live for. I have... Gerard and music and Anthrax and fuckin.... fuckin coffee, I live for us, and my bass, because there's so much to live for."

Pete doesn't say anything. It must be nice to think that way, he thinks. It must be nice to instantly make yourself feel better. But he turns over because he appreciates the effort, and Mikey winces when he sees Pete's bloody lip and his tear streaked face and his red nose and eyes.

"I... fuck man, you make me feel so alive. You make living this fucking life worth it" Mikey reaches a hand up to wipe Pete's tears away "I'm so bad with words, fuck. I'm sorry"

"I know you are. It's okay" Pete tries to smile, but his lip hurts. Mikey cradles Pete's face, and shakes his head "I wish I could make you feel better" "I wish you could too"

Mikey moves to kiss Pete, and Pete lets him. He feels disgusting, but he feels better when he feels Mikey kiss him deeper, feels Mikey lick the blood from his lip and his chin, feels Mikey run his fingers through his hair, massaging it.

"I wish I could make you feel better. I wish" He gulps, and shakes his head "I'm staying with you tonight, okay?"

Pete nods, his eyes meeting Mikey's. They usually look emotionless, because that's just Mikey, but right there, they're flooded with love and sadness and Pete doesn't know what to do or say about it, so he doesn't do anything.

He turns back on his side, and Mikey presses up against him, draping his arm back over Pete's side, and he buries his head in Pete's neck

"Would it help if I sang? I'm no Patrick-"

"Please do" Pete sounds like a child, with his voice soft and sad. It makes Mikey want to sob and kill whoever, whatever makes Pete feel like this.

Mikey clears his throat, and sings gently, almost like a hum, close to Pete's ear, "Hallelujah". It's off key, but Pete wants to bathe in it, and wants to never hear anything else in the world.

"I'm so in love with you, Pete. So fucking in love with you" Mikey says against Pete's skin, when he thinks Pete has fallen asleep. His breathing is back to normal and steady, but Pete hums in agreement, surprising Mikey.

"Love you" Mikey sighs, and kisses his neck chastely "Don't say things you don't mean, Pete. We'll talk in the morning"

Pete holds Mikey's hand, and turns so that his head is buried in Mikey's neck the way that Mikey's head is in his. "Okay"

He finally falls asleep to Mikey humming in his ear, and he decides that he's going to marry Mikey Way one day.


End file.
